Well, I got in one of my down spots for the past month and really didn't feel like it was worth the effort of posting. My fiance brought the blog up today wondering why I hadn't posted, and it got me thinking.
For a little update, I've been steadily put down by my parents (as usual), been struggling with the idea of college, and still looking for work, found out my parents house has a quite large amount of toxic black mold in it, and had a good Turkey Day.
Starting with the first thing, my parents. Literally nothing I do is good enough for them. I can do things around the property word for word they say, and they wonder why I half assed it. The reason everything gets half assed is because they nly want things done just good enough to get away with it. It drives me crazy. When I was an ironworker, I didn't learn much, but I learned how to take pride in whatever I do. Now, I know now that's been said, I probably should do everything they say at least level above their liking, but they've run what could be a (even in this economy) $190,000 house on right under 2 acres of land into the ground. The bathroom wall is rotting and they won't let me fix it, the bathroom floor is rotting and they won't let me fix it, the house is settling really uneven so nothing has a 90 degree angle anymore, their RV (which could be nearly immaculate has a ton of half assed repairs on it, and even though they said I could have the garage for my electronics shop, I can't get electricity run to it so I can actually do something when it's cold. Tube equipment just doesn't work right in the damn cold. They're too ignorant to understand it, even explaning it in the most dumbed down way I can possibly imagine. What gets me burning on this subject is the fact I volunteered to fix the wall and floor of the bathroom as soon as the problems arose. The wall was almost 3 years ago. All it needed was a tile or two put back after coming loose. Now, the wall is rotting and full of mold. I volunteered to do the floor the day I found out about it, but they don't think I can do it. I even got the approval of my building skills from a master woodworker/electronics engineer. They'd rather wait till the floor falls and pay thousands rather than the $150 I would have done it for. Can you believe that? This house is a piece of shit now, and I hope to God they don't ever want to give it to me. I'd doze it down in a heartbeat. Anyway.
Next is college. I don't see the economy getting better, even though the network propoganda says otherwise. I believe that's it's only going to get worse and education is going to be the key for those to survive. Real quick, I'm not a downer. I try my damdest to see the better side of everything in the world, but I also call it like I see it. I was wanting to do nursing for almost a year now. The thought of helping people in such a special way was so fulfilling. But my parents, as usual ragged on it steadily till I had to change my mind. Now I'm back to computers. Computers are a hobby to me, so I despise the idea of doing it as a job because I know it will no longer be a hobby. But I need something to get out of here. But the way they keep putting me down, I'm to the point of being willing to get a minimum wage job just to get the hell away from them. Even if it meant no school.
Looking for work right now is a crap shoot. 'Nuff said.
The mold. I dread telling my parent what I found out about the black mold. They freak out over the slightest thing, and when they do, they put me down even more. If it weren't for the fact it's toxic, I'd keep my mouth shut and let their house fall apart.
Turkey day was good, seeing the fiances family. It's one of the only places I'm not feeling like shit 24/7 and I'm actually happy there. Yes, I get bored sometimes, but I'm still happy. Had good food, so all is well there.
Well, I'll get off my soapbox and quit bitching. Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day. :)
PS, I upped my meds and am feeling a major positive result from it. More tomorrow.