Monday, October 25, 2010

Hormones again

Ok, got my Spiro yesterday. I got a 100 pill bottle with 25 mg pills. I'm taking 2  day, to make up the 50 mg I want to start with. I'm not splitting up the dosage through the day, taking it all at once. Next month, bump up to 100 mg, then the month after, 200 mg. I may even for to 3-400 mg, but I'm not sure. I may see if my Dr can d some blood work to tell me where my levels are, so I can get closer.

Being my first day, I got very tired. Not surprised, as it was one of the things I expected. No increase in thirst, but I was so hungry it wasn't funny. After I wake up later today, it will be day 2.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Sorry for the lack of posts, but I've been in a good mood. Saturday morning, I got my estrogen in the mail. :D I went ahead and started it, even though my spiro isn't here yet. Hopefully it will be in the next day or so.

For those of you I don't talk to regularly, I'm self medicating. Can't afford a shrink at the moment, so I'm not able to get the hormones from a Dr. yet. My Dr. and other trans girls I know had told me a couple things, and being sensitive to medicines, I'm taking it easy starting out. 2mg of estrogen and I can't remember what dose of spiro I ordered. Next month or so, I'll bump up the estrogen to 4, then eventually 6 mg. Spiro will end up around 200 mg in the end. Still wondering about taking progesterone. If I can get a job soon, I may take it whether or not it would help. I've heard info both ways so if I can afford it, I'll take it.

Another plus since I last posted is that I figured out hw to conceal my 5 o'clock shadow. There's not much since I don't have much facial hair to begin with, but I now won't be showing it when I have makeup on.

Friday, October 22, 2010

I dunno why, but today was a good day.

Today was just a good day. Don't know why though, but I'm not questioning it. I figured out that by doing something similar to teasing, I could get a lot more body to my hair, and it isn't all knotted up either. It's awesome. Plus, talking to my friend last night, I just felt like my self esteem was up a bit. I didn't feel disgusted looking in the mirror for the first time in a while. Pretty good feeling. Well, time for a Wally World trip! Later!

Thursday, October 21, 2010


I met someone on Craigslist not too long ago while I was searching for a friend. Well, the more I talk to her, the more I'm just like, wow. There's just something about her that gets my self esteem up, and she and I haven't even met yet! I hope things keep going this well so we can be best friends. I really think we will, but I don't want to jinx myself.

Another boring day

Not much happened today, other than boredom. Worked on my desktop, and waited another day for my hormones to get here. Maybe tomorrow.

Something I thought about today is my website and a forum I'm on after I go full time. The website wouldn't matter that much, but the forum is what's the most important, as it is populated by a bunch of old men. Most are small minded so I can't really let them know about me.

I was thinking maybe before I go full time, tell everyone there that I'm selling my site to a woman that's into that stuff. Maybe introduce "her" and she have her own name there. I don't know though. That forum s most of what I do in my free time, so I don't think I could just stop going. Plus, I learn so much there.

Who knows, though. Guess I'll just deal with it when the time comes.

The Rev from A7X

If you know who A7X is, then you know The Rev is no longer with us. I just found out that he wrote all the songs himself on their now released album. What makes that significant is the song, Buried Alive. Listening to it made me cry. His lyrics showed there wasn't something right. Too bad he had to leave us so young, and only 28 years old. It's so sad.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Well, I just figure since I'm still up, I could post again. I'm searching for a bra that I could wear now that wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb, since I live in a town of homophobes. I already have a small A cup, which is enough I need a bra. But, I don't want it to be obvious at the moment. Since I can't come out to my parents, everything is still hidden for now.

But on another note, sometime next week, I should be getting my glasses I ordered fro Zenni Optical. I'm really nervous because of the sizing issues I had before ordering. I've wore contacts since I was very little, and have had only one pair of glasses, and they didn't really fit IMO. The optometrist that fit me really didn't know what he was doing. So wearing glasses then was unbearable. The main thing was they were too narrow of frames, so they were tight on my head.

Here's what is on the way to me.

Once I get a bit more cash, I'll be ordering some girly ones I found, but till then, these will work. A

Anyway, time for King of the Hill! Later!

About Me.

Well, I guess I could start by telling a bit about myself, even though no one knows about this yet, lol.

I'm a 25 year old trans girl, that's just getting going with my transition. As of now, I still live as a guy, but that's only because my parents are small minded and stuck in the past. I live at their house because of the economy, so living as a woman, isn't really an option. I'd give almost anything to be able to live as a woman right now.

Anyway, I've known I was trans since I was 5 or 6 years old. I realized that when 2 of my female cousins started puberty, and remembered I didn't have the same equipment as them. That started my life long depression. I went to therapy multiple times till I got my license, and then I just quit going. Not like it was doing any good anyway. Several years of depression went on, along with several girlfriends one after the other, trying to bury what I thought was a curse.

Well, when I was dating and living with a girlfriend, one night I was Google searching trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Then I came across shemale porn. I thought, holy crap. I can make myself how I feel I am since others have already done it! That was when I realized my life took a major turn. A month or two later, I said something to her about it, and she laughed her ass off at me. Looking back, that was no real surprise. So, I buried those feelings again, and the depression came back.

She and I broke up, and being single again, I started thinking about it all again. Then, I got with a fiery redhead, that was loony as anyone could imagine. Anyway, other than one lesbian experience that she denies to this day, she thought it was really interesting that I wanted to be a woman, but didn't want to be a woman. So she and I split partially because of that, and partially because neither of us could be honest with each other.

Time went on, and I just happened to have some clothing and a bra that the first ex I mentioned left when we split. I would wear those clothes (she and I were exactly the same height and weight, so same sizes) whenever I would get depressed about being a guy, which helped me get through the weeks. I met a girl that was all for me being a woman. She helped get me some clothes, and open up to who I really was. I don't know where she is anymore, but I'll never forget her.

Not too long after meeting her, I started dating a guy, but dropped him like a bad habit when I met my fiance. She was totally against my wanting to be a woman at first, but she's warmed up in the 4 years we've been together. Now, she's the driving force keeping me going, and keeping me from depression.

Alright, lastly, I ordered hormones and anti-androgens recently, and am waiting for them to get here. Now, I know self medicating isn't safe, but going without them, I was at the point of suicide, and I would rather die than take them, so the risk is well worth it for me. Well, that's all for tonight. More later.