Well, I guess I could start by telling a bit about myself, even though no one knows about this yet, lol.
I'm a 25 year old trans girl, that's just getting going with my transition. As of now, I still live as a guy, but that's only because my parents are small minded and stuck in the past. I live at their house because of the economy, so living as a woman, isn't really an option. I'd give almost anything to be able to live as a woman right now.
Anyway, I've known I was trans since I was 5 or 6 years old. I realized that when 2 of my female cousins started puberty, and remembered I didn't have the same equipment as them. That started my life long depression. I went to therapy multiple times till I got my license, and then I just quit going. Not like it was doing any good anyway. Several years of depression went on, along with several girlfriends one after the other, trying to bury what I thought was a curse.
Well, when I was dating and living with a girlfriend, one night I was Google searching trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Then I came across shemale porn. I thought, holy crap. I can make myself how I feel I am since others have already done it! That was when I realized my life took a major turn. A month or two later, I said something to her about it, and she laughed her ass off at me. Looking back, that was no real surprise. So, I buried those feelings again, and the depression came back.
She and I broke up, and being single again, I started thinking about it all again. Then, I got with a fiery redhead, that was loony as anyone could imagine. Anyway, other than one lesbian experience that she denies to this day, she thought it was really interesting that I wanted to be a woman, but didn't want to be a woman. So she and I split partially because of that, and partially because neither of us could be honest with each other.
Time went on, and I just happened to have some clothing and a bra that the first ex I mentioned left when we split. I would wear those clothes (she and I were exactly the same height and weight, so same sizes) whenever I would get depressed about being a guy, which helped me get through the weeks. I met a girl that was all for me being a woman. She helped get me some clothes, and open up to who I really was. I don't know where she is anymore, but I'll never forget her.
Not too long after meeting her, I started dating a guy, but dropped him like a bad habit when I met my fiance. She was totally against my wanting to be a woman at first, but she's warmed up in the 4 years we've been together. Now, she's the driving force keeping me going, and keeping me from depression.
Alright, lastly, I ordered hormones and anti-androgens recently, and am waiting for them to get here. Now, I know self medicating isn't safe, but going without them, I was at the point of suicide, and I would rather die than take them, so the risk is well worth it for me. Well, that's all for tonight. More later.